this weekend has been one of those ones where i’m full of emotion
i’m breaking down
i’m having difficult conversations with people
being called out on stuff by people i wish knew how much i loved them
experiencing the brokenness of society firsthand
and in a threatening situation
my heart breaking for the person who everyone else was turned against
the person who everyone else was afraid of
the person who everyone else called the police about
the person who everyone else blamed
the person who everyone else wanted to leave
the person who everyone else judged based on a stereotype
and maybe i’m stereotyping too, by referring to the group as everyone else
and that breaks me, too
it breaks me that no one else there felt the way i did
the way i do
they don’t get it
they probably don’t see anything wrong in the way they acted and reacted
they probably think they were justified
they probably think they did the right thing
and most people would probably agree with them
but it breaks my heart
this injustice that we live in
the injustice that we encourage
by our action or our lack of action
and i wonder how Jesus would have treated this man
i feel like he would have invited him closer to our bonfire
i feel like he would have joined in with his song
he would have snapped along and offered him a marshmallow, some chocolate, some coffee
i feel like he would have introduced himself
shaken his hand
called him by name
listened to his stories, no matter how far-fetched or abrasive they became
i feel like Jesus would have smiled at him
asked him questions
listened
laughed
looked deeply into his eyes
offered him wholeness
or at least a hug goodbye
why did we do so much less
how did it become what it did
it didn’t have to be a situation where someone’s life was threatened
it didn’t have to be something where racist things were said
it didn’t have to take a turn for the worst by disrespecting him in the first place
it didn’t have to become a power struggle
a fight for dignity, for a sense of feeling human and the right to be treated as such
it just makes me wonder
would they have backed away if Jesus had been the man coming to our fire
would they have seen his dirty clothing, his unkept hair and treated him as coldly 
because people backed away before he had even spoken
they backed away because he was a stranger
and different
and made them uncomfortable
and i just wonder about it
about how Jesus calls us to love
and seek justice
and reconcile people of all backgrounds
and we did the opposite. 
and it breaks me.