sometimes i read something or see a picture or watch a movie
and i want to cry
and sometimes it’s from laughing
that kind is always nice and laughter is crazy and everyone laughs differently at different things, but when we all laugh at the same thing somehow it brings us together in a new way
last night we were watching the matrix and this person was over who i haven’t ever laughed with really, but sometimes during the movie we would laugh at the same thing & it was nice
and sometimes i want to cry because there is something so profound that its beauty cannot really be felt in my heart without tears coming to my eyes
and this might be my favorite kind of crying, although i tend to restrain it more than i should
maybe because most people are a little bit afraid of tears
and they think when you cry that something must be wrong, but sometimes i cry when things are right
and then there’s the crying that overwhelms you
it comes from so deep within that it doesn’t listen to your mind when you try to stop it
if you suppress it, you’re fine for awhile but then you end up sitting on the rug on your bedroom floor clutching your pillow, rocking back and forth letting the tears stream down your face without wasting time wiping them away because you know it would be useless
you forget to wash the mascara off your cheeks and it takes awhile for your eyes to look normal again
but they always do look normal again
and you can cry laugh again
and you can pretty cry again
but it only takes a song, a person, a look, a memory, a quote, a wind to remind you how fragile your composure is
and you sit and you think and if someone happens to hold your hand, or touch your arm, or kiss your forehead at this point you break all over again
and it’s beautiful
these emotions
this thing about life that beaks us and heals us and shapes us